Life is too fragile.....

I never thought of “What is life” and “What is the purpose of life?”. Last week, it was just a shock to me. A series of incident happened that make me flash back to what is life all about and have I done enough for me and my loved ones.

1/5 - Labour Day. Of course this is a happy day for ppl like us… the kuli kang…. Celebrate my grandm 82th birthday together with my extended family members i.e. aunties and uncles….cousins… Long time din take extended family picture. Tonight, dad requested us to take as he needs to e mail the pic to one of his relative in China whom he and mum visited last week….. *SNAP* here we go… the memories….

2/5 - Normal working day as usual

3/5 - Saturday….. nothing much happened

4/5 - Sunday… as usual… nothing much happened… normal…. But parents going to this tua pek kong parade…. One of the contingent…so I have made up my mind to have dinner with my bro and sis in law….. about 5pm, sis in law called…. Telling me her uncle passed away…. You must be wondering, my sis in law uncle passed away…. Anything to do with me?? The relationship between my sis in law family member and I are very unique… we are close to each other…. I can even join her family trip to places like rainforest even without my bro, sis in law or my parents around….so u can roughly know how close are we…. And also her uncle used to be very very sick (sudden) since Oct 2007 and he was admitted to hospital in Kuch since then. Thank God, he recovered end on Dec 2007 and managed to come back to Miri to rest during end of Dec 2007. My family paid him a visit after he came back. When I saw him tat time, I was really shocked….. he used to be medium big in size and he turned out to be half his size before! His hair turned white and fall…. He was sitting on the wheel chair and gave us a weak smile “Can still recognize uncle ma” my eyes turn into red…. Holding back my tears… I hold his hand and said, of cos I can still recognize you uncle…. After that day… I din visit him… but do hear the news from my sis in law saying tat he recovered steadily…. And he manage to drive…. I was so happy to hear that… during CNY, my family visited his house and his family also came to my house…. This time, he really turn back into the “old” uncle that I used to know….. just tat he cant stand for long…. After CNY, his son decided to bring him back to Kuch to do normal check up…. And out of sudden, the doc told him tat he had blood cancer…. And requested him to undergo certain treatment….. he has no choice but to go… after the first treatment, he felt he cant stand it anymore…. And the doc gave up…. And he just have to discharged from the hospital and stay at a rented hse in kuch to seek for other help…. His sons done all they can and also looked for Chinese medicine…. But, in the end, he still have to end his life…. I was so sad to see this happened!



5/5 - Monday morning, gonna work… not really in the mood as still feel the sarrow….go home a bit early today after work to go to sis in law uncle;s hse to pay last respect…. Funeral service in church the next day… I have made up my mind to go as well tomorrow….take few hrs leave…. Stay at the hse til quite late…. All this while, I don’t dare to go near the coffin and look into in… but this round, I made it…. I starred at the coffin and my tears just rolled down automatically….. seeing the wife, I felt so sorry for her… luckily all his sons are old enough to take care of themselves and the mum…. All working and 2 of the sons married already….
About 11pm, still at the house…. Dad handphone suddenly rings…. It normally don’t ring so late at night….. it’s a bad news…. One of my uncle being admitted to the hospital and is in very critical situation (this uncle is still young, aged 50 years old)…. After my dad finish talking over the phone…. He walked towards us (me, my bro, my sis in law and my mum) and tell us the news. My dad shaked for a while and my bro managed to hold his hand asked what happened to you. My dad just blured and nearly fainted and fall down. At that time, me who was standing in front of him quickly hug him…. I saw his eyes turn into white colour and giggles I shouted “pls don’t” my mind is blank… I really dunno what to do but just shout and pray no one take away my dad… my mum was so scared that she shouted and put her hand into my dad mouth… luckily there were many ppl ard and all of the come near us and help to save my dad….. finally my dad regained his conscious….. we stayed at the hse til about 1 am to wait til my dad regained his energy…. Dad din go to the hospital as he is not fit to go. Informed my relatives who were in the hospital my dad condition and unable to make it to the hospital. Cant sleep well whole night…. Scared….

6/5 - Woke up early….when I see my dad, he says nothing about my uncle. For me, no new means good new. So as normal, change into my office wear and and decided to go to office earlier as I need to go out for a while to attend my sis in law uncle funeral. Just when I start my car engine and wanted to go to the office, my bro came out and told me my uncle passed away….. it was really a shock to me… I cant believed it…. 5 days back, we still sat together to celebrate my grandma birthday….. really cant believe it… life is just too fragile!!!

So those series of incident really make me things….. why life so fragile….. how can I live my live to fullest…and one thing for sure… I never knew my dad is getting old after all this incident….. I think I have not done enough to take care of him…. I really need to do something…. Young ppl can die also….. so I really need to look into what is life…. What are the things in life that I really want to do….Frankly speaking, I have contributed quite a massive of my time in studies and work so far… these will no longer be first in my life… too tired with work so far……

Technical Committee Meeting... TCM!

One of my challenging jobs in my current position in presenting my financial figures to my JV Partners. Ever since in join the Company, I have been told of this. Well, the first meeting that I had with Partners back in January 2008, it’s just merely sitting in…. watching my predecessor to present the figures… Wow… how nice right?? Enjoying the coffee of coffee bean… listening to the whole bunch of engineers talking… talk in their languague…. Hahha technical jargon! I actually dun seems to understand at all and dun bother to listen… Guess what, my predecessor was smart… he managed to skip his part of presentation saying the figures are almost the same with last quarter…. Trend also the same and hence the explanation also the same… so no need to present! I was like …”Huh? I am thinking of tapping your presentation skill during this time cos I know the next quarter, it’s a brand new year, Q1 2008 and I have to present on my own… and now you are skipping the presentation??? My goodness….

Finally, my nightmare comes…today is the day! I need to present in front of the Partners!! Well, how should I present? Should I read everything on the slide?? Should I read the figures out?? Orr…. Argh…. All sort of questions is in my mind…. Cos never seen the presentation before. And I really dunno what is their expectation! How detail they want it to be…. Sigh…. I have done all the homework…. Jot down all the important points and even write up my speech!! Imagine tat…. !!

Yesterday, went home late as I wan to have a last discussion with my team leader before the meeting tomolo… waited til 7pm, he finally comes out from a meeting with the Partners (the same Partners he and I going to meet again tomolo for a different meeting). The moment he step into my room he said “Those who will be in TCM tomolo sure kena whacked!) In my mind…. “Si Lo… this is my first meeting, and kena whacked?” After the discussion with team lead… I went off home…. At home… dun even bother to look at it again… cos I think, whatever will happen will happen no matter what…. So I watch TV and sleep…

Today!… I can’t sleep well…. Woke up at 5 am…. Too worried…. So I quickly go to the car and get the file… have a look at the slides again and again…. Then 630… I start to dress up… of cos in more formal office wear, with my jacket on… have been a while since the last time I wears the jacket in KPMG (luckily, still can fit in… no fat fat… hahha…)…. Hmmm.. putting on my contact lens (first time in shell wear contact lens to work) and also put on some eyes shadow and lipsticks… normally I dun put on for work… ok,… then I go…. Reach office 7 am…. Do the final homework…. Meeting starts at 8 am…

First see all the ppl present, I am already nervous….. my turn now… presenting to N partner….. bla bla bla…. Everyone seems to listening and understanding well…. Hhahah and got question for me somemore… manage to answer… some answer by the engineers la… heheheh

2 hrs later…. Presenting to PxxB now… hmm… this is more hectic and more slides to be presented….. and when it comes to a part when I need to pronounce UNBILICAL… I just can say it out properly.. It took me the third try to say it out… then one of the engineer (hmmm… quite a good looking guy) laughed! Hahha…. Me myself also laugh… hahha… well, tat make the situation better I guess…. Then I quickly run through the remaining slide… hahha then another one… UNBILICAL… hahha this time, I get it… cos not nervous anymore… hahaha….

Phew, everything goes smoothly….. I din kena whacked…. Just some of the project engineers kena whacked….



Sometimes, I really wonder… Shell, such a big company, need to act like PxxB and N’s slave! Why?? Well wat I can say its just because of the stupid P Act enacted in Malaysia, saying P owns all the hydrocarbon underneath the land of Malaysia…. Hahha… so we depends on P – holding company of PxxB to work in Malaysia lo… sigh…. Wat a XXX the govt is doing?? Protecting the WANTAN?

Swimming

I remembered about 3 years back, when I had my company annual dinner in KK, all my colleagues swim happily in Sutera Harbour Hotel pool. Guess what i do???? Looking after their properties (wallet, purse, etc.....) So sad and yet angry..... why can't I swim? 2 reasons... first, since small, parents said, dangerous, so dun let me learn swimming.... 2nd reasons... such a bad body figures, of cos dun dare to wear swim suit la....... how to swim??
Then, 1 year back, I went to Mulu with my fren... again I dunno how to swim and then i missed the fun... but then this time, I manage to play the water.... a bit satisfied though can't swim....
So I told myself.... I must learn how to swim.... til last year, I finally............. bought myself a swimming suit... hahha of cos not a sexy one... very conservative one...... telling myself, need to look for a trainer.....but... til now still cant get....
Last month, early in the morning, I went with a fren to Marriott to swim... yeah... of cos i went with a gal... she taught me how to swim and start learning kicking water and floating.... hai..... very sad... i really dunno how to float..... can anyone tells me why cant i float?? really.....???? Then in the evening, I fall sick.... dunno why... mum scolded.... swim so early in the morning.....decided to give up....
But last 2 weeks, a fren of mine who doesnt know how to swim approached me and told me tat she finally able to swim... she got the swimming gear tat can help me.. so i dated her last week... end up, I cant go cos last minute, got things to do.... this week, dated her again.... but then ... due to my physical problem, can;t swim. Next week, she needs to go back Brunei for her CPA study leave, cant swim again.....
Sometimes, I really wonder... should I give up?? Really wonder

First post in MY blog!

I awalys believe in doing thing straight away without planning...... This morning, chatting with Tracy online..... out of sudden, very interested in creating my own blog,---> sharing my thoughts with my loved ones...... CLICKS... here I go, and this is proudly presented to you... my Wonder World... You should be proud cos' this blog is a restricted area.... hahhah only those selected ppl are authorised to view my blog.....well, nothing much to write now.... let see when is my next posts....